Larry Jewell

Chevron gasolines with tecroline because the cleaner your valves, the better your performance. You clean the outside, we'll take care of the inside. Chevron simply smarter. This is America's sports talk show, Sports Byline usa. Here's Ron Barr. Got a winner of the trivia question. Let's go to Meadville, Pennsylvania. Walt, name the only team in the league that's played in the same stadium for as long as they've been in the league. The Seattle Mariners. You're right, they played in the Kingdome since they came into the American league back in 1977. Haven't had a lot of success, but they still play there. Congratulations. We got a championship cap coming your way, courtesy of Sports Specialties. Enjoy it, Walt. Thank you very much. Joining us here in the studio is Dr. John Gray. I told you in the book, by the way, men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a best seller and it's a, it's an excellent book. I was thumbing through it today, and he has a private practice, as I told you, for couples in Mill Valley, California. How do I describe, Are you a marriage counselor or are you just a couples counselor? Well, I was a marriage counselor for 10 years, actually. Now I just teach public seminars. I do seminars around the country to about three to 500 people at a shot and spend about 12 hours and just educate them on improving their relationships. Lots of times what couples need is just re education, the new rules or the new job description for relationships. In the last 20 years, you know, when women started going into the workforce, it changed all the rules in relationships. So just to give men and women a new way of understanding their emotional needs is my focus. So my book titles Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It's the secret of good relationships is understand we're different. Even though women are behaving more like men, in certain ways, they're still women and they have certain emotional needs that men don't think of. And even though men are working side by side with women, when they get into the relationship at home, they, they're not going to fulfill all the expectations that women have. Women tend to raise their expectations because they go to work and they come home, they expect the man to suddenly want to do more of the domestic type chores. And if he didn't see his father doing that, it's kind of hard for him to make that shift. And so I help women to learn ways to encourage the man in their life to participate in the relationship in ways that work for her. John when it Comes to sports. Some people would think on the surface that maybe sports could be a bonding type of thing. It's something you share with your spouse, but I would suppose also because of the compet competitive nature of sports, it can be a very divisive thing. Well, as a counselor and dealing with men and women, when, when you talk about sports, it's a real sore thorn for many women, particularly Monday Night Football or something. She feels like she loses her husband or golfing over the weekend or tournaments. She feels that he gets his focus on the sports. And when she experiences that, she may understand he still loves her, but emotionally she feels like he's more interested in sports than her. And so she can get really, really upset. And as you mentioned, the statistics that started coming out this year on Super Bowl Sunday, 40% more domestic violence in some cities would happen on that day. My wife's first reaction was, see there? Football, a violent sport makes men violent. Whereas my understanding is rather different from that. And gradually she was warmed up to the whole idea. But when a man watches the football game over and over and over that last game, it's almost like a man's sacred holiday in a sense. You know, this is my day, and I give the equivalent to Valentine's Day for a woman on Venus. Valentine's Day is the sacred holiday, and that's a day when a man really has to be attentive to what does she want on that day? Generally you have to make reservations to some nice restaurant, or you got to bring her flowers or chocolates. Be real attentive to her on that day. It's a special time or an anniversary or a birthday. Those are like women's sacred circles. A man has his. And if a man's into sports, then on that Super Bowl Sunday, she's got to celebrate almost like a religious holiday. And if she can't, if her frustration of feeling like he cares more about football than her, if it's building up, then she needs to just not be in the house that day. She should just go shopping or go for a walk or be with her friends, but not be around him because generally her resentment is built up. She will start to interrupt him. She'll give him looks like, you know, you uncaring, selfish man, There you are looking at the TV and not me. And if it's too hard for her, she needs to just not be around him on that day. And that's what a woman can do. What I would suggest to men, particularly on any day, when you start noticing she's starting to get tense around watching sports or going to sports. What I recommend is for the man to say to her, I understand this is really difficult for you to understand. This is hard for you to grapple with that. I really love watching this game. This game brings great joy to me. But at the same time, there's things you like to do, they bring great joy to you that I don't understand. For example, you love to talk. You want to talk about things, you want to share things. You want intimate conversation. Sometimes I don't understand why, but I work at it, and I'm willing to work at that. And what I'd like you to work at is understand I'm different from you. I really feel much better. It's actually a stress release for me to watch a football game. I feel better. And afterwards I'll do something special. So Super Bowl Sunday's today, Monday night, we're going to do something really special, and I'm going to pay you back for all the support you give me. I'm going to give it back to you. So she knows that he does take her feelings into consideration. Can sports be a positive in a relationship? Absolutely, it can be a positive. Even that can be a positive because two examples I want to give, but the first is something that women don't understand, and many psychologists today don't understand either. And that's the difference between men and women, which is, after a stressful day for a woman, what she needs to feel better is to have an intimate relationship or a friendship where she can go and talk about her day, share about the problems of the day, maybe complain about the day, get upset about the day, feel exhausted from the day, and get some sympathy from somebody. This is nurturing to her. But for a man, what's common for men, I say it's common for Mars, is if men are from Mars, it's a habit or a culture from Mars. What we do after a stressful day many times is we come home and we go to our cave, okay? The cave is where we withdraw from relationships. We just don't want to talk to anybody. We've been talking all day, solving problems. The last thing we want to do is have to talk more and solve more problems. We just want a little quiet time, either to read a magazine or watch the news or watch the sports. And I remember a Kathy commercial, not a commercial, Kathy cartoon. And she was, you know, in her Kathy way, was talking to a girlfriend on the phone complaining about men have no feelings, and there's her boyfriend watching a football game. And he's going, yeah, oh, yeah. And then he's going, oh, oh. He's going up and he's going down with tremendous enthusiasm, with tremendous feeling. But from a woman's point of view, she thinks, why is he wasting time watching this game when we could be sharing feelings together? See, that's what nurtures a woman, is that direct one on one conversation. Yeah, but what you're dealing with and what you're talking about is that men are very rational and women are very emotional. And I don't know that there's a meeting ground there unless you're able to communicate. And that seems to be the common bond there. And I don't know that men and women will communicate when it comes to sports, basically, because I think most men think that women are stupid when it comes to sports. And most women probably think, why are they playing that silly game in those pants out there? Right? Well, they think it's. A woman will think it's a waste of time. And particularly they're playing the game or the man is watching the game. You know, she goes, why is he wasting time? Whereas we men think, why are you wasting time being emotional or talking about all these problems? She's not really wasting time. If you're in touch with emotions, that feels really good. But for the man to, to go through sort of a stress release, a cathartic experience watching a football game, is that part of watching the disappointment or the excitement of this football team? He goes to the disappointments and excitements of his own life. There's really a therapeutic value for men to be involved in sports or to watch sports if they're identified with their team. And women don't have that experience. See, they don't. If I remember once my wife was watching. Why do you get something out of that? And also with the news, it's like, don't you have enough problems now? You have to take on other people's problems. But for me it's. The problems are out there on the TV set. It like frees a man from his own stress for a while. It's like going on a temporary vacation. It's a zoning out. It's just as important for him to watch the sports to feel more centered as for her to want to talk about her feelings. Our part of the problems, John, between men and women when it comes to sports in their relationship is that as a society we have put so much importance on winning and not on the competitive effort. So therefore men are taking it so much more seriously, or people that get into sports are taking it so much more seriously than they used to. And that only causes a larger rift between couples, between people, men and women. Well, again, I don't think that's the responsible for the rift between men and women. I think that's a problem that fathers put on their sons quite a bit, which is competition is healthy. But when you're a son out there competing and you score a touchdown and after the game your dad says if only you caught that last pass, you would have won the game, why not three touchdowns instead of one? That kind of message that can when a parent is over over enthusiastic about competing, then the child feels I have to be number one, I have to be best. And there's too much of that. But the actual problem between men and women around sports is really the woman doesn't understand the sacred territory that a man has. And the man doesn't understand the woman's sacred circle around communication. If he's going to spend three hours watching a game, he then has to say after the game, we're going to spend time talking and we'll talk. We'll talk about your day, I'll listen and maybe if I'm in the mood, I'll share about mine or maybe I won't. But he's got to honor that side of her. Otherwise she feels neglected, emotionally neglected. Dr. John Gray has joined us and you this hour on Sports Byline. Give me another 10 minutes longer with him and then I'm going to open up the lines around the country and if it warrants it, I will carry it into the next hour because I think it's very interesting. Discussion 1, 887Play. 878Play is our toll free number. When we do open up the lines, I've got some numbers for you in sports. We'll continue along on this Thursday night on Sports Byline. When it comes to muffler problems, take your car or truck to the guys you can trust Jean's OK Tire at 339 W. St. George Blvd. Dual exhaust catalytic converters or the pop boom bang of worn out mufflers can all be taken care of@jean's ok tire. So for those loud noises in your car or truck, see the experts at Jean's OK Tire, 339 West St. George Boulevard, the home of Complete Automotive Service in St. George. You can trust Jean's okay Tire. She said we have a Cub Scout meeting at every Tuesday. And I told her why I couldn't make it. You know, my mom worked and so she called my mom at work and she said that she was going to come pick me up after school every Tuesday and take me to Cub Scouts. I remember her and I remember how much fun I had and I remember how nice she was. 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Call me Terry at KSGI Radio 628 1000. Listen for Utah State Aggie Sports on 1450 KSGM. This is America's sports talk Show Sports byline USA. Here's Ron Barr. NBA playoffs got underway tonight with Cleveland defeating New Jersey 114 to 90. Boston over Charlotte 112 to 101. And Houston is a winner. Gets in getting past the Clippers 11794 in the NHL playoffs, Detroit 73 over Toronto. So that series is tied at three wins apiece in the American League. Toronto shutting out Kansas City 8 nothing. Chicago over Milwaukee 7 4, shutout for the Orioles big time over Minnesota 11 zip over the Twins. In the National League, St. Louis 5, Colorado 2, Philadelphia 53 over the Padres. The Mets fall to the Giants 10 to 5. Rain washes out Pittsburgh and Cincinnati and Florida sweeps the two game series with Atlanta winning 6 to 5. Houston 54 over Chicago. And that brings you up today. If you joined us late. Dr. John Gray is with us. He has authored three books. The latest a best seller called Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus, and we're talking about sports and relationships. John, let me ask you about the woman that is really into sports, knows her sports real well. How intimidating, how unthreatening can that be to a man? Because I have known some men that said, you know, I don't know if I want to go out with her. You know, I like sports, but she knows more than I do about sports. It can be threatening. It can be very threatening to a man. And one of the reasons for that, for women to understand is a man wants to feel like a woman, sees him as competent. A man wants a woman to feel like, I can provide for you, I can be the solution to your problems. In a sense, he's fulfilling sort of a primitive need, which is I can protect you from the bad guys, I can bring the food home, I can go out and kill the animal and do the tough stuff for you. And that's sort of a basic thing. That's a historical thing inside of a man. He wants to feel that he can do something to make this woman feel really happy that she's with this guy. And if she shows up more competent in a lot of areas than him, that can be more threatening. It's kind of like a man out of work. What am I going to do to make her feel like she can rely on me, she can depend on me, I'm the great guy in her life. So it's a real tricky thing. I have to say for me personally, I enjoy playing tennis with my wife. And, and quite honestly, one of the reasons I enjoy playing with her is I generally win. Yeah, but. Yeah, well, exactly. But you know how many times you've seen men and women, husband and wife, playing mixed doubles? I mean, I've been at the club and watched it and it's been embarrassing sometimes to hear what a guy would turn around to say to his wife that if he was dating her. He sure the hell wouldn't say it. That's right. Big mistakes. I mean, when you're playing doubles or any time to. To come down heavy on her, to correct her, to put her down is big. No, no. Can put her down. As a matter of fact, the whole thing in relationships is we men tend to unknowingly put women down. If I'm playing doubles with another man, I could say, what a stupid shot. Why didn't you get that ball? You weren't looking the right direction. And another man hears it in a playful way. But a woman generally does. No, no. He'd knock you on your butt or you'd get a serve in the back of the head. So it's like with a woman, you want to. You want to make sure her. Again, the feelings are the tender spot in women, and you want to make sure that you honor those, particularly when you're in a relationship. And the model, the best model for it is how you would treat her if you were dating her. How would you treat her if you're just trying to impress her? That's the real key in relationships over and over is, you know, you get married and men tend to just stop doing. They get relaxed. Not all men, but when the relationships aren't working, it's because the man has become relaxed and he doesn't really put forth the effort to impress her. To do little things for her, to think before he says things and be considerate of her feelings. That's what wins her over in the beginning. And then he tends to stop doing that. Let me ask you about stigmas that are associated with sports. If a woman is active in sports, plays sports, and I'm talking about, maybe she plays soccer, softball, that sort of thing, there's a stigma associated. And I've heard men say, well, she's probably a lesbian. I mean, is that something that hurts the relationship between men and women if a woman happens to be interested in it? In a man, while he may be interested in it, doesn't play it as well as a woman does. No, it doesn't have to be a problem. And this is the. What is it, though? It can be, yes, and it comes up. But it's the same problem that's even more dominant in society, which is women who make more than their husbands, women who have jobs and are very successful. It can be very intimidating to a man. And there is a solution to it, which is if in their personal, intimate relationship, she's capable of showing an emotional vulnerability that says, I'm so lucky to be with you. What an incredible guy in some place that she feels like she really depends on him. In a sense, he's the expert. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why should a woman have to do that? Playing devil's advocate. Why shouldn't it be the other way around? I mean, why shouldn't the man all of a sudden say, look, if this is something she's interested in, I'm going to be more interested, or let her have her own identity. I think letting her have her own identity is really, really important. And there has to be a reason for men and women to be together. Not that you're just buddies, but there's an emotional need that we get out of being with the opposite sex. And one of the things that men enjoy is when a woman is so happy to see you because, oh, you're here, your strength. You can help me move this bag or, you know, you can help solve this problem for me. Oh, I gotta take care of this. Can you go do this errand for me? It's like a companion in life is what she's looking for, someone who can do things for her. And the thing for men, the romance inside of a man is when a woman kind of enjoys you that way. I mean, if we want to take the extreme of it, we'll go to sex. Okay, go to sex. When a woman is responding, making those noises that really makes a guy feel great. I did that. See what I did for her? I can provide pleasure for her. That's the biggest turn on for a man. And it's real obvious in sex. But in the relationship, it's the same thing when a guy can. Like my wife has a problem, what should I do? She says. I say, well, you ought to do this and this. She goes, great idea. I go, yeah, yep, I thought of that. You know, tell the story you were telling me during the break about the woman who wanted to get her husband to communicate with her. Well, this is actually was in an interview on a TV show. We were talking about this. And we're talking about one of the biggest complaints women have, which is men don't talk or their husbands don't talk. And they'll talk at their job, but then they'll come home and they won't talk. And women tend to take that personally. And part of understanding is men go to their caves and if you don't try to get them to talk, eventually they start to open up. And as I was explaining that, she says, that's what I discovered, you know, a marriage of 26 or 27 years, she said. After about 15 years, I realized we'd go fishing. And while we were fishing, I'd sit with him for two hours and not say anything. And because I had given up, she said, I'd given up on trying to get him to talk. At least I'll join him when he goes off and does these things he enjoys. And she was so surprised because when she stopped trying to get him to talk, sitting with him for two hours, suddenly he started to open up and he just started to talk. And it's the same thing. My wife will go play tennis with me, and after we played a few games and we're resting, I'll start to open up and talk. Is that the way men sort of open up and share many times is after they've just done something, they go and they do something. If you're doing something together, then when he's sort of relaxing afterwards, he tends to want to open up and talk. But, John, aren't women caught between the rock and the hard place if they go out and make a conscious effort to learn something about sports and maybe in a conversation drop off some type of fact or something? I've known a lot of men that will look at them and say, what are you trying to do, impress me? Instead of realizing there was an effort made to find a common ground to communicate on. Well, I think, as you pointed out, the more enlightened viewpoint is to appreciate she's made an effort to bridge that gap. And we men have to be aware of that and see it as an effort from her side to join us in our world, so to speak. And that's a way that, you know, it's a good piece of advice for men. It'd certainly be a foolish thing for a man to do, is to put her down for that when she's making the effort to come closer. Let me ask you about the. The problem that exists if a man comes home on Friday and he doesn't get off the couch until Monday morning when he goes back to work, and all he does is reach over for the bell to ring for another beer. That's the what do you do? Well, I'll say, for that couple, the life of the relationship is dying. It's going downhill. So what does a woman do? Is that the question? What does she do? First of all, let me say to the guy, he's got to get off the couch, but let's say he's not listening to this program or he's not wanting to get this information because he's waiting for his next beer. She has a serious problem. But it's very common. It's very common that a man gets married in the courting. He's fully alive, very attentive. He gets married and suddenly he becomes a couch potato. He just becomes passive. I tell women it's about a three year process to get him moved off the couch and out into the relationship. You take about three things that he's willing to do sometimes maybe like empty the trash, pick up his socks and bring in the groceries. Okay? And what you do is you take these three things that he tends to not do unless you ask him. And ask him each time, never empty the trash, never pick up his socks and never bring in the groceries. But you say, oh, at a commercial break or something, you say, oh, honey, would you empty the trash? And he'll say, sure, later. And then most women, when he says that, they know he's going to forget. They hate having to ask for things and so they just get mad and empty the trash themselves. And he'll never get off that couch. So what you do is you take three simple things. You ask him, would you empty the trash? He goes, later. And then you let later pass. Then you come back another commercial break. In a nice way, not in a nagging way. If you nag him, he's stuck to the couch. But you just say, oh, honey, would you empty the trash? I'd really appreciate it as you ask each time, as if you're asking the first time. Now, if you're in dire straits and you're really completely stuck to the couch, you might have to ask 10 times. But I promise you, and you can relate to this as a man, if a woman asks you 10 times to do something that you agreed to do and she doesn't get mad at you each time you. She's being so nice about this, okay, even though I don't want to get up and do it, I'll do it because she's being so nice about it. Then once he does it, you reward him. And that's not within a woman's normal reaction. She thinks, if I had to ask, then it doesn't count. One more question before we break here and open up the lines. And it's one, I think that is important. Intimacy is very important in relationships and women. I think put a. As you've already mentioned, John, put a very. It's very important to them to have intimacy. I have a friend of mine whose husband is a sports nut and she says when it comes to football season, she could walk out completely nude, sit on top of the TV and intimate anything to this guy. And all he would say is, honey, do you mind changing the channel? What the. Well, again, I don't want to just put it on sports. There's other things like that too, I'm sure, but it happens a lot in sports. It happens a lot in sports. It's when a man. See, women don't understand this either. Men are from Mars. Pretend like they're from Mars, okay? They're different. Our brains are actually different. There's a different wiring in our brains that tends to make men either be on one side of the brain or the other side of the brain. Women have 40% more connective tissue between the left and the right hemispheres of the brain. When you're watching tv, you're only on one side of the brain. You're not on the other. To think about sex, you have to go over to the other side of the brain. He's focused on that tv to change channels. To change channels, mental channels. And when a man gets focused, he tends to blot out everything else. He can blot out his need for food. He can blot out his need for sex. He can blot out his need for a clean environment. Men can live in terrible environments and not even notice it as long as they're achieving some goal which is focused on the TV or focused on a job or getting something done or worrying about something. And women just don't understand it. They, they, they, it's just not within their experience of life. The doctor is in and I think it's going to be very interesting. And I think we'll probably carry it over into the next hour as well because I just wanted to get you, give you a good foundation for what we're talking about. 1-800-878-play the toll free number. Dr. John Gray is with us and you as we continue on Sports Byline. It's party time at Sports Byline. Sports Byline USA is celebrating our fifth anniversary as America's best and most popular sports. And we're giving you the gifts. Enter Sports Byline's 5th anniversary sweepstakes by May 28th. And you can win a set of baseballs autographed by four Triple Crown winners from Upper Deck Collectibles. 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Baseball season is underway, but I can't wait till November. That's when you and I sail the Caribbean on board Norwegian Cruise Lines Norway for an unforgettable baseball cruise. Bob Feller, Herb Score, Maury Wills, Greg Nettles and Esports and. Ron Barr. Dr. John Gray has joined us and you this hour and I'm anticipating that we're going to have a full response. I would like to hear from a lot of women around the country as well. And if you happen to be a couple and you've got a say, an extra phone and you want to get on one end and get the husband on the other, we'll do that as well. Let's start it off with a woman's point of view. Karen, you're in Tacoma, Washington. We got you on Sports Byline. Good evening. Hi. Enjoying the discussion? Hi, Dr. Gray. I just called because I'm the total sports junkie in my relationship and I spend a lot more time than my mate does watching, attending and reading about sports. And I'm concerned because there seems to be so little attention given to women as the primary sports fan. For example, what you were saying tonight was about men coming home and spending the weekend on the couch and so on. It doesn't sound like women are given permission to do this and to sit around all weekend if they want to. I mean, that would be my ideal weekend, would be to spend the whole time involved with sports. What have you observed that's being done to encourage women to be fans and to be participants and role models, especially for their kids? Well, I think you bring up a wonderful thing because if a mother can encourage her children to enjoy sports because she enjoys it, it's a really positive message for her. I think being Aware and appreciating sports is really important. We briefly talked about before this competitive urge. And, you know, some. Some people say this is a bad thing, it's a wrong thing, it tends to be narcissistic, and you just think about winning yourself and you don't care about others. But. But we all have it inside of us. Men tend to have it more than women. It tends to go along with the testosterone hormone. But some women have it as well. I don't know if that's why you enjoy sports or not. It could be a variety of reasons, but men tend to get into the, I want to win and I don't care about you. And if a man doesn't have that outlet and he has a strong competitive urge, then what he tends to do is bring that feeling into the work world. And that's what ruins the work world, is people who go, I want to win, and I don't care about your business and I don't care about you, and I'll do whatever it takes to win. And it's a good outlet for that urge to sort of grow up, in a sense, and think about others as well. As far as you're right as a woman to, you know, take the weekend off and enjoy sports. That sounds wonderful. And I just have to say, as a therapist, I don't hear that commonly, but what I do hear, which is very universal, is here you have a need. And I'm not sure if your husband supports you or not. Does he like that? Does he not like that? Does he get upset with you? No, he doesn't get upset. He just. His main interests are in other areas. He likes sports, but not to the total exclusion of the kind of lifestyle that I live. Does it cause any type of problem, Karen? No, it hasn't so far. Fortunately, he's been very supportive of it. In fact, he's the one who told me I should get involved in something else because my son, who was my only child, was growing up and I would not have him around. He said, get another interest. So I got another interest, which was baseball. And now most of my friends are. Are female baseball fans that I've met, and that's what I do. Well, when he says, get a life, you know, you got a problem. I right, I got one. Now he's wondering if he should have told me that or not. Karen, thanks a lot for the input. I appreciate it. Thank you. Well, we go from Tacoma, Washington, to Bill in Kansas City. Go ahead, Bill. You're up. Hi, Dr. Gray. And great show. You're having tonight. First of all, my comment is one about. I have a feeling that this is one of the reasons why men don't understand women watching soap operas and Oprah for endless hours. That's right. I mean, it's kind of the flip side of that, isn't it? Yes, it is. And the same thing, romance novels and romantic stories. I have a question, and maybe you can help me out here is I'm a season ticket holder to the Kansas Chief. Yes. And for years I was going with my brother to the games. Then I got married. Now my wife wants me to go with her to the games. But. And I've done that. But I have to be really honest, I tended to enjoy the time I spent with my brother more than I did with my wife at the game. It's a different type of relationship. Well, but isn't that a bonding type of thing that men do? How do I explain that to her in a way that maybe might resonate with her? Well, one way you might do it is get my book. I hate to do a commercial, but sometimes women need an expert to explain it to them as opposed to you doing it. I have to say, even to convince my wife of some of these things, I have to bring her to my lectures and I ask how many men can relate to this? And she sees that this is a very common thing. But the point you're making is something I strongly teach, which is that if a man's going to be married to a woman, he needs at least. And there could be exceptions to this one or two nights or days away where he's doing his own thing. It would be, I have one night out where I go out with the guys and we just do guy kind of things, whether it's sports or movies or skiing trips or things like that or night or whatever. That's right. It's like a bonding thing. It's a male thing that we do together. And then what happens is we come back, we're much more ready for relationship. And this is one of the reasons there are so many problems again today in relationships, is that when a man gets with a woman, she sort of says, now you're supposed to spend all your quality time with me. And I mean, many times I've said, I'm going out with the guys tonight. My wife will say, but we haven't had any quality time. And I'll say to her, and again, this is the way to deal with. With it. I really want to spend some good time with you, but right now I have to do this. And tomorrow we will have a special evening, just you and me. And if she really wants to go to those games with you, then you just say, okay, on a certain game, I'll take you. But sometimes I just like to go with the guys. It's a guy thing. I know it's hard to understand. Yeah, but saying it. Saying it, John, on Christmas night. I mean, I don't know if I could buy into that. No, it won't work on Christmas night. I'll send it to the preseason games with me. Can I ask a really kind of an unrelated question, but it's kind of related in a way. Real quick? Sure, go ahead. John, could you give me 10 seconds on your feeling about women in combat? My feeling towards the sports in a way. Well, I'm not really in favor of women in combat. I like equality for women. I think it's a big mistake to put women with guns. It's really. You know, there's two sides of human beings. One is sort of the Martian side, as I say in my book, and that's the side of us, which is. Which has violent tendencies. And then there's the nurturing side of us, which is the female. And I think to try to train women to be killers is really very, very counterproductive, and they have a hard time coming back to who they are as females. Whereas a man has a much greater ability to sort of shift roles like that. And this is actually a physiological difference. Men have, as I mentioned before, our brains are different and also our hormones are different. The testosterone levels in a man have the ability to shoot up and shoot down, whereas when a woman, once they get excited to a very high level, they stay there for quite a while. So I think it's a much greater stress for her and we shouldn't try to put her in that situation. See, Bill, I just. Since we're talking about it, I disagree with John 100% on this. My reasons are, and I think because war, in a sense, has become more of a high tech type of situation, I don't have any problem with a woman flying a fighter aircraft. Well, I really hate to digress into this, but I just thought it might be interesting to ask. Okay, thank you, Bill. Great show, guys. Okay, thank you. Go ahead and. Independence, Missouri Scott. Scott, hi. I was wondering when a couple is brought apart by a TV weekend sports event, how the relationship can be brought back into harmony. Good question. Great question. Now, the situation here is for a man to understand that it's going to put a Stress on the relationship. Whenever the man is really focused on something and enjoying it and he's not looking at her, so to speak. And if he can just be understanding of her feelings and know that it's going to even upset her and give her even permission to express some of those feelings and, you know, I understand this is really hard for you. I know it's really difficult. And we'll schedule two days this week where I'm really going to give you special attention. But this is something which is important to me. And you can have the same thing for a woman as a woman called in before. If she wanted to, like, watch sports all the time, if that's her issue, then she could use the same, same kind of solution, which is, this is something I want to do for me, and then we'll do something for you. But it's learning to respect each other's independence and freedom. It's a very important, important thing. Are there sports that the couple can work together towards? I'm sorry, I didn't understand. To know if there were sports that a couple can work together towards. I'm not getting the point. Well, I think what you need to do and is talk about what you find is a common interest and then see if you can enjoy those sports together. Oh, I see. I'm sorry. I missed the point. Okay, I agree with you. Okay, let's go to Patty. Patty, you're in Kennewick Walk. She did? Hello? Yeah, go ahead, Patty. Yeah, I was just a little upset. I've listened to you for a long time and I think you guys are being a little arrogant. In what way? Well, your view on sports and women. Well, go ahead. I just. I think that women, as if they knew the game, there's no way they couldn't appreciate a good playing baseball or a slam dunkin basketball or a great catch in football. I mean, if they knew the game, to appreciate that is just being human, you know? Well, I think you're absolutely right. I think if they do understand it and they should be acknowledged for understanding it and for enjoying it, I think that's the problem that men have sometimes when a woman shows her expertise in sports. Yeah. And I think that when you do come across a guy like that, it is arrogance. And you notice that. Right. If they don't want to relive that moment that you saw, you know, then you realize right off the bat they're just being arrogant. Well, one thing I will tell you, Patty, is, is that if a woman has an opinion about a special moment, I think a lot of men respond that you're invading their area of dominance and their area of interest. And it's, it's too bad that they feel that way because it should be if it's a special moment, it should be able to be shared by anyone, whether it's a woman or a man. Sports like that you're just reliving. Absolutely. And what you're saying is a great thing for a woman to enjoy. Sports is a gift to a man and it is a sensitive subject, but I think it's something to work at. Yeah. I just think if they sit down and teach him the game, then there's no way they couldn't enjoy professional players. But let me also suggest that the way to solve the problem is not to say to the guy, you know, I think you're being arrogant, but to say, you know, this is my gift to you and I'd like to let you know it's my gift. Patty, I got to go to a break. Thank you very much. I know I disappointed a lot of people. John, over into the next hour. And if you'd like to join us right after the news break at the top of the hour, we'll let you jump in here on the conversation. We'll check in on the numbers in sports, tell you what's been happening and we'll continue along this Thursday night. We also have Motorsports weeknight coming up. We do all of that as we continue with more of America's sports talk show, Sports by Line. Everybody knows there are many ways to improve your golf game. 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Let's face it, there's not much you can do to avoid paying taxes altogether. But if you know the tax laws and plan ahead, you can save money when tax time rolls around. Now the Wall Street Journal's Guide to Understanding Personal Finance explains what you should know about taxes and managing your money. This comprehensive 173 page guide retails for 13.95, but it's your with your paid subscription to the Journal. Call now and get 13 weeks of the Wall Street Journal for the news and information you need every business day and the valuable guide that helps take the mystery out of taxes and managing money, all for only $37. Call now toll free in the continental U.S. 800-451-6500. That's 800-451-6500 for the wall. This is America's sports talk show, Sports Byline usa. Here's Ron Barr and this sports update is brought to you by National Car Rental. For reservations and information, call national at 1-800-car-RENT National. No problem. In the NBA playoffs that got underway tonight. Cleveland takes a one nothing advantage over New Jersey. Defeated New Jersey 114 to 90. Charlotte also losing to Boston in Boston 112 to 101. And Akeem Olajuwon had 28 points, 11 rebounds and nine blocks and leading Houston past the Clippers 117 94. In the NHL playoffs. Dino Ciccarelli with three power play goals that allows Detroit to win seven three over Toronto and tie up that best of seven series at three wins apiece in the American League. Toronto shutting out Kansas City eight nothing. Juan Guzman with a five hitter his first career shut out. John Olarud had five hits. Dan Pasqua contributed three RBIs in Chicago's seven four win over Milwaukee. Mike Messina with a five hit shutout in Baltimore's stop of Minnesota 11 to nothing and Detroit is edge Texas. The final there was 3 to 1 over in the National League. St. Louis 5, Colorado 2 First one of the season for Bobby Tewksbury. San Diego falls to Philadelphia 53 thanks to a four run third for the Phillies. San Francisco bonds two home runs, four RBIs and a 105 whipping of the Mets. It was Pittsburgh and Cincinnati being rained out Florida 65 over Atlanta. So the Marlins sweep the two game series and it was Atlanta's fifth straight loss. And finally it was Houston 5, Chicago 4 and that's your national Car Rental Sports Update national no problem. For reservations and information call 1-800-car-RENT national features quality GM cars like the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. That's 1-800-car-Rent. Time now for Motorsports Week 9. Welcome to Motorsports Weeknight. I'm Dick Sister. Since his departure from the high stakes world of Formula One, Nigel Mansell has marveled at the central family present in IndyCar racing at long Beach. You learn family or not between the lines, IndyCar drivers are as competitive as anyone. More after this. Do you love cable TV but not your cable company? Or do you live in an area not served by casual cable? Finally, there is an alternative Echo Home Cable. Get the most popular cable channels, CNN, ESPN, HBO, Disney and many more. At 50 to 70% off cable rates, the Echo Home Cable system uses new mini dish technology to deliver great pictures, digital stereo sound and all your favorite cable channels. For information about Echo Home Cable, check the yellow pages for your nearest EchoStar dealer. Even though relationships and off track demeanor may be far more relaxed and civil than in Formula One, Nigel Mansell learned at Long beach that once between the white lines of the course, IndyCar drivers are as fierce as any in the world, including his own teammate. It was interesting being overtaken by my teammate in the pit too. We almost wiped each other out. I mean it's great. I've never done that before. The Radi Wolf John I'm just going to simply let you fans go at it. So 1-800-878-play is the toll free number. We'll let you talk with John as we continue. All Net the long distance telecommunications company with a quiet Profile and high quality services. Try the Allnet Access calling card. Your avenue to airline, hotel and car reservation lines. The Allnet Access calling card. The best business partner you'll ever have from all net. Your partner in telecommunications. Check the yellow pages. Allnet. So, Ms. Olson, I see you're applying for a job here at National Inter. Yes, sir. I've been a reservations agent at another car rental company company for 14 years. I know my stuff. Well, then let's do your application here. Question 1. What do you say when a customer requests a four door? You're renting the car, pal, not buying it. No, no. The correct answer is no problem. I got that one wrong. Question 2. What do you tell a customer who asks if the price you're quoting is the final price? Hey, life's a crapshoot. Actually, the correct answer is no problem. How many wrong ones am I allowed? Question 3. What do you say when a customer tells you they're in a hurry? Call your jets? The correct answer is no problem. Look, this is just the technical stuff. When I worked for that other car rental company, that was never my strong point. And your strong point would be? Personality. National no problem. For reservations and information, call 1-800-car-RENT we feature quality GM cars like the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. Herb Score. Bob Feller, Maury Wills, Greg Nettles. These are just a few of the baseball legends you'll meet when you sign up for our special November Caribbean baseball cruise. I'll be on hand, too, and we'll talk baseball for a full week as we sail on board Norwegian Cruise Line's fabulous ship, the Norway. The cruise line has arranged special discounts just for you, so the time to bar John Gray is with us. And let's kick it off in Minneapolis. Rachel, nice to have you with us tonight on Sports Byline. Oh, thanks. Thank you. Go ahead. Okay. I just wanted to make a comment. I didn't really have a question. And it wasn't absolutely a relationship type thing. It's where I wouldn't say that I'm an expert, but I do know a lot about sports. And I was at an NFL draft party on Sunday and this guy that I was with, I mean, I know more about sports than he does. And it seemed like people were asking him questions, other guys were asking him questions instead of me, you know, like. And he'd get by with just generic, you know, answers. And I was just sitting there trying to have my input, but no one really took me seriously. Yeah, I think that's one of the sad things that what we ought to do is judge people on their knowledge and their capabilities and not worry about whether it's a man or it's a woman. And I think that's one of the things that, if you think about it for just a second, Rachel, that has held women back as far as their ability or the opportunities, not the ability, the opportunities to do play by play, say in the NFL or the NBA. I know they've had a couple experiments of using women in play by play and they have just got a negative response. And I think the reason for that is, is that we've been so conditioned to hearing a male voice give this authoritative opinion and position that most people are not comfortable with it. Now, I can understand that to some way because it is conditioning. I'm not saying it's right, but I can. But I can understand it. Yeah. From the, from the man's point of view, if he doesn't have the right answers about the game, it can be embarrassing to him. But from the conditioning that women can get, you don't have to be embarrassed, so to speak, as a woman, if you don't have the sports answers. But a guy is kind of like expected to know and if he doesn't, then it can be embarrassing. And I can kind of admit even myself that some, some other girls that will come up with some kind of, you know, try to give me their sports information or whatever, sometimes I can't even take them seriously. Let me tell you a quick little story, Rachel. One time when we had a fan co host contest, we had a woman who was from England and she is a big baseball fan and sports fan. She loves the Chicago Bears as well. And so she was one of the three co hosts that we had in here. And a guy called up one night and I don't even remember where he was from, maybe even from Minneapolis if I remember correctly. And he just grilled her. I mean, he was giving her all sorts and she was answering and fielding every question just gracefully with a great answer and what have you. He asked one more question and in this proper British accent, she said, she said, sir. She says, it's obviously, it's obvious that I can't satisfy you with my answers. So I only have one other response. And he says, what's that? And she said, stick it in your ear. Yeah, because I've even done, well, like on a college level, I've done color commentary for hockey games and some baseball games. So I mean, some people could take it seriously and some, I don't know, it's just a matter of the individual, I guess. And this might be a helpful suggestion for some women who are sharing their information about sports. It could also be if you're doing it from a point of view of, see, I know as much as you. Or if you're doing it in a competitive way, well, see, I know more than you. That would definitely be a turnoff. But more in a conversational manner. Yeah, more in a conversational manner. And, and, and, and another thing is with men and the male ego, be attentive to appreciating his point of view. Don't try to up it, but be equal to it. Uhhuh. Okay, Rachel. Okay, thank you very much. Opened up a line to you at 1-800-878-play Judy Salt Lake City. Hi. Hi. I just wanted to say that 17 years ago when I got married, the only thing I knew about football was that it was on Thanksgiving and it threw a lot of patience and question answering. My husband has taught me about sports and now that is our quality time. You know, going to the center, watching the jazz. He'd have to find someplace else to sleep if he didn't take me to the game. So. And a lot of people that he works with think I'm from another planet, you know, because I can sit down and talk sports with anyone. Well, you know, I think that's a wonderful gift you give to him because one of the little known secrets about men and women is, is men experience intimacy by doing things together with their partner. That's one of the primary ways is when a man's doing something or providing fulfillment for her through his doing. And if you can be doing things that he enjoys, what a wonderful companion you must be and what joy you must give him. I just wanted to let all those men out there that are having problems with their, their wives understanding sports to be patient with them and explain the game to them. Very good point, Judy. Have a nice evening. Hey, bye, Matt, Kansas, we got you on sports byline. Hey, how's it going? Good. I was driving to work and I was listening to the subject. Now me and my wife don't have a problem with the sports. She's avid football and baseball, we shoot pool and we bowl together. My concern was you're talking about this, the male bonding time. Yes. Well, I haven't had any male bonding time since I've been married and I was wondering if am I a volcano that's about ready to explore? What do you think you might be? Oh, sometimes, yeah. It do you feel you're Kind of moody sometimes when you're with her or you get irritable more than you used to. Those are the symptoms of it, moodiness and irritability. And you might feel inside, I just want my space. And you don't know where it comes from. And if you were to say, gee, I feel really irritable or upset about this or whatever, she'll like, go, why don't you love me? Don't you want to spend time with me? And it's hard for a man who loves his parents partner to explain this unless you get a little support about Martians. You know, I jokingly say men are from Mars. It's like, we're just different. We need that time just to be with the guys. And I also would recommend to improve the relationship is that she have time spent with just her girlfriends. You know, they could go out shopping together, go for walks together, encourage it. And that's one way you can balance it. You say, one day a week I'll do something with my male friends, and one day a week you do something with your female friends friends. But a sure disaster in a marriage occurs when you look to your partner for every one of your emotional needs to be met. We need to have outside sources for it as well. Right? Okay, Matt, thanks a lot for the call. 1-800-878-play. Off to Atlanta, Jeff. Go ahead, guys. How you doing? Good. Jeff, I just want to agree with that previous car, the woman. I found that if you take some time and explain the different nuances of the sports, such as with my girlfriend, found that with NBA basketball, at first she didn't know any of the players. She didn't know what was going on. I took her to a few Hawks games, explained the game to her. Now she's just. She can't get enough of basketball. You know, I want to second what you're saying. I appreciate you doing it. The emphasis is explaining and talking about the players, talking about the game. When she begins to understand that this is a way that you can communicate a topic you can talk about, then that that is actually fulfilling her emotional need, which is to have more communication and dialogue in the relationship. Jeff, also one other thing. I think that's something that men tend to do when they're dating somebody. I think after they happen to marry him, though, they take a different perspective of that. John, would you agree? Absolutely. So, and that's again, it's this turning point where a man just stops putting forth that effort to create the connection with his partner. And that's the One thing we men, we tend to do, we think, hey, we used to do it in the beginning. Why do we have to do it now? And the secret to a successful marriage, to keep that passion alive and that that harmony there. And also the attraction is to make sure that her need to communicate, to share and to talk is fulfilled. Otherwise she will kind of go dry. Okay, thanks. Okay, Jeff, thank you. 1-800-878-play Raleigh, North Carolina. And I hope I don't mispronounce the name. How do I. How do you pronounce your name? Shaheen. Shaheen, go ahead. Oh, hi. I'd like to say that I'm happy to see what the heck to a woman trying to, you know, do what men have been doing right now, like sports announcing and everything. And I'm happy that I see like the first woman doing the play by play. What, in San Francisco right now. You're Talking about the P.A. announcer. P.A. announcer. Right. I hope this gets better and more won't be involved in things like this. Okay, Shaheen, thank you. Steve Deerfield, Illinois. Hi, go ahead. Okay. Just like to say that I think women can basically do anything. I taught my younger sister how to play basketball and she in turn taught our younger brother how to shoot such things and he's now on his high school basketball team. Well, that's great. I think it's good for women to do sports. If that's what they want to do, they should have the right to be able to do it. I agree. Kara, go ahead. Kansas City. Hi, go ahead. I'm calling because I have a question because my husband is. Is like a sports fanatic. Does he ever get off the couch on the weekend? Sometimes he does. Did you take the bell away from him? Did you put a padlock on the ice box? No. Have you tried moving and not telling him? He constantly has the television on espn. I mean, day and night, it's always on espn. And I mean, I don't know how to get him to even change the channel to watch something that I want to watch or, you know, to do something else. To get off the couch and do something else. Yeah, it's a difficult thing. Would you take a moment and just share how it makes you feel when he does that? Sure. I guess. I don't know. I don't really feel rejected because I have other things that I need to get done too. We're kind of a busy family and it's fine with me. I just feel like, I feel like he's wasting his time and I don't really like the TV on all the time anyway, whether it's ESPN or something else, it's just too much. Okay, I just need to get a sense of your strategy with this. One of the reasons he stays stuck on that couch is your approach to him. If you come to him and say, you know, I think you're wasting your time. Time, that's a mistake. Don't judge what he does and what he chooses to do with his time, he'll turn. He just won't listen to that. But if you go to him and say, you know, I would love to spend some time with you with your attention focused on me, or I would love to watch a show together with you and then not be a football game. Football's fine or baseball's fine. But sometimes I'd like to have you do something for me. I feel kind of left out. You don't have to say you feel rejected if you don't feel rejected. But you've got to make it personal. You've got to give him an incentive because he cares about you. This is a way I could make the woman I love the most happier. So give him an incentive over there as opposed to approach him from the point of view, you know, you're wasting your time. You could be doing better things. That just doesn't work with men. Yeah. And Kara, short of that, just put dynamite underneath the couch. I guarantee it. Okay. I love it. Kara, thank you very much. I gotta run to a break. 1-800-878-play. And by the way, let me just thank the fans around the country. It's been very instructive, very useful. I thought it was going to be like this. And if you'd like to jump in here, we got a line or two available to you. And if you're driving around the country tonight, Mitch Barhulo as our producer, tell him that you're calling from your car. We'll get you a little bit early, but I'm gonna let this continue on, see where it's going, because I think it's very useful. There are a lot of problems that exist because of sports in relationships, and I hope that what John or myself.